This message sounds negative already…It isn’t though. Please use your empathy and understanding for the next few minutes. I need your compassion and empathy more than ever. This will not be easy to write but I got to give it a try.

Whatever happened to you, it doesn’t matter.

It’s cold, dismissive and probably hurtful to say that. However, the problem is that whatever happened to you is of paramount importance. It happened to you so there is no way to dismiss it or forget about it.

So, it matters, and it doesn’t. This is the quintessential definition of a paradox. How could it matter and not matter at the same time?

First, whatever happened to you, matters. Everything that happened to you matters, every single little thing matters. The most innocuous thing matters the same way the most important/happy/painful thing that has happened to you matters. Whoever you are today, it is a result of all the things that ever happened to you, good or bad. If you were to change one thing in your past, perhaps you wouldn’t be the same today. Everything you are, is just a sum of events that occurred in your life. Every action brought a reaction, consequences, and your personality and character were formed to what they are today.  So, whatever happened to you matters. Yet…

Whatever happened to you, it doesn’t matter. People might feel sorry for you, they could even pity you but their feelings towards you won’t fix anything. Your boss won’t care why you have problems with authority, he will just reprimand you. Do you think he will try to understand that your disdain for authority comes from growing up with an authoritative and abusive father? No, he won’t care. If you are not around your kids, because your father wasn’t around you, well, your kids will not care about your motivations; they will remember how absent you were and that will lead to abandonment issues and other issues. People won’t care that you lie pathologically because you had a rough childhood and your way to cope and find peace was to make up stories to reassure yourself in times of crisis. People around you won’t look for the root cause of your inability to love because you weren’t loved by your parents because, they were busy working or ignoring you. Please forgive me for painting extreme cases however, I believe you got my point.

I am not here to dismiss people’s sorrow and pain. That is not what I am doing. As a person who has his own demons and sorrows, I can only be empathetic to other people’s misfortunes. What I am trying to explain, in a very unorthodox way, is that what happened to you explains who you are today, but your environment will tend to not care. They might feel sorry for you but, in the end, your shortcomings are your own. It sounds extremely mean and dismissive, but I cannot find another way of explaining this. If you are stuck in a place psychologically, the world won’t care. It will be up to you to get unstuck. It isn’t easy to feel that loneliness. It is a terrible feeling to be lost, stuck, and scared. Yet, I am so sorry, the world won’t care. You must care. You must get out of that bottomless pit. You must do the work to get out. You must work on yourself to put the trauma behind. Once you are down, ain’t no other way but up.

Whatever happened to you, it doesn’t matter but it does. Your sorrow is your own, your pain is your own. Defeating that pain is the only way to get better and rise from the ashes the way the phoenix does it. I am not dismissing pain, I am merely trying to tell you that a lot of people get unstuck every day, a lot of people heal and move on. If they can do it, so can you. Things might seem dark today, but they won’t be eternally, they cannot be. Seek help if need be, sometimes, we all need help to get unstuck. There is no shame in needing help, there is strength in recognizing you cannot do everything on your own. Please remember to recognize those feelings, those failures, and the pain, do not dismiss anything, do not negate what happened or pretend it didn’t happen. You will only make matters worse. Acknowledge everything and try move on.

I live my life with that mentality: no one cares what happened to me. Whatever happened, I gotta deal with it, on my own and if push comes to shove, I will seek help. I left pride in my previous life. My only goal in life is to be happy, improve and get better every day. I look at people who have had worse problems than mine and they are still walking around, breathing, fighting, and winning. Why not me?

Well, I use that mentality. Whatever happened, it doesn’t matter. Please, do not take this as gospel, it is my way of dealing with life. It ain’t perfect, but it is mine.
Some of you might agree and most might disagree.

Just one man’s opinion

Now smile and go on with your day.

Freeman. B

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