Stop thinking you will win every fight.

You cannot, and you will not. This isn’t pessimism, it is realism. No one, in the history of humankind, nay the world has ever won every fight. We are not meant to win every fight. That is a statistical impossibility. You can google it, if you want. It is just reality.

I know the whole “you can do whatever you set your mind to” mentality has a lot of reverence out there, and it is meant to inspire us and it does. However, it never talks about how many times you will fail because let’s face it, you will fail. That is another reality check. You will fail. Look at your life, you have failed, multiple times. It is OK by the way. How else would you go through life? By winning all the time? Where is the fun in that?

The “you can do whatever you set your mind to” mentality talks about the end, it refers to the success. It doesn’t mention or talk about the struggle, the arduous and tedious road you will have to walk through to get to the finish line. Perhaps if people talked all the time about the struggle, most people would feel discouraged before they even started fighting.

You will not win every fight. Period. Yet, that doesn’t mean you should stop fighting! You need to keep fighting because only by fighting, will you learn something, anything. Fighting to get better, to jump over those hurdles that life throws at you is the ultimate experience. Most of us are afraid of failure and that fear pushes to rarely try something new, something daring. Defeat and failure are words that hurt our ears and their physical manifestation tends to break our souls. We get discouraged, we get scared, we feel shame for failing. Are we weak? I say we are not. Probably, we were just conditioned to stay in our comfort zone and not move. We most likely have been conditioned to watch life pass us by. I am not accusing anyone, we are all like that, to stronger and lesser degrees. I say, let’s keep fighting. We don’t share the same dreams or struggles but doing nothing changes nothing. Doing things changes things to quote the great Dr. Gregory House from the show House, MD.

So…Get up and fight. Fight and you will learn. Try and you will learn. Fail and you will learn. It sounds simple, yet it isn’t that simple, or is it? You will learn how to do better next time. You will see what traps to avoid next time around. You will learn better ways to handle defeat, and most importantly, you will learn about yourself. You will learn what stresses you, what your weaknesses are, what your strengths are. You will learn what pressure is and hopefully how to handle it. You will learn how to push back when you are pushed, how to roll over and let the storm pass. You will learn how to calm yourself and you will learn what you know and don’t know.

The best quest is the one where you are trying to find who you really are. Defeat is a great teacher and how you react to defeat will define who you are and who you aspire to be. Those are invaluable lessons that life offers us. We tend to be oblivious to those priceless lessons because most of the time we do not see them, we do not appreciate them, we don’t understand them right away and sometimes, rarely, we even dismiss those lessons out of pride, fear or immaturity. Life, time and experience teach us so much if only we are willing to see what is in front of us. We just need to accept defeat and move on. We need to accept we will not win every fight.

Life isn’t about winning every fight. If you care about winning every fight, then you are fighting with your own ego and not with the forces you are facing. You must accept that defeat will come sooner or later. If you are lucky, defeat will come sooner rather than later. Life is about fighting, not necessarily winning. It is about engaging with all your might in every fight. It is about fighting as hard as you can every goddamn chance you get. It is about seeing the subtleties in complex situations. It is about putting pride, ego and emotions out of the equation and be clear headed, so you could see what went wrong and do better next time. Pride, ego and emotions is the other holy trinity that is hard to get rid of, but time and experience can help you. It also helps if you have good people around to check you! I am just saying…

My brothers and sisters, I can only ask one thing of you, the same thing I ask of myself: keep fighting, keep grinding. You will lose often but you will also win every now and then. On the day you will win, that victory will taste so sweet that you will appreciate all the struggles you went through. Fight, accept defeat and you will win. It is ok to lose. You will not win every fight and there is no shame in that. Do not listen to those who will shame you, their opinion matters not. Keep at it and you will be fine.

Just one man’s opinion…

Now smile and go on with your day.

Freeman. B

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