I CANNOT TRUST SOMEONE WHO…

I cannot trust someone who doesn’t have childhood friends. Allow me to clarify that statement: I have a hard time trusting someone who has alienated all their childhood friends. It happens to be one of the weird theories I hold dear, a theory that I won’t let go. Unfortunately, this theory of mine seems to be validated as time passes by. Since it is a theory that I cannot prove, and I can barely explain using logic, I will have to be as careful as I can be when explaining it. Please understand, if you don’t have any childhood friends because your family moved around a lot, then my theory doesn’t apply to you. If you don’t have any childhood friends because you were extremely shy, awkward or had limited social skills because of an illness, then my theory doesn’t apply to you.

There is something about childhood friends that is sacred. I cannot explain it, it is priceless in my eyes. It is an old bond, formed through blood and sweat if we want to be dramatic. Perhaps, I am old school and I still believe in those fairy tales. The oldest friendships should have the strongest foundation, they get stronger with time, the same way mortar and cement do. If you cannot protect such a bond…Well, I cannot trust you! Again, that is just me. You could agree anytime or dismiss my theory. It is a free country after all.

This is not to say you cannot become BFFs with someone you meet as an adult. The heavens have blessed me with some incredible people that I met as an adult and yet we connect as if we have known each other forever. I am no saint myself and I am not saying I still talk to all my childhood friends, I have lost some along the way. Some, we just grew apart, but I still have childhood friends. It happens. I am not without reproach either. Some people we fought and made up, others I didn’t see any reason to make up or I tried to make up and it didn’t work. Again, it happens. There is no rule, written or unwritten that stipulates we all need to be BFFs, or that we must stay in touch for the rest of our lives. Times change and so do people, sometimes for the best, other times for the worst. Again, it is OK.

As time goes by, people grow, evolve and change. It is called the natural order of things or LIFE. You are not the same person you were 1,3,5,10,15,20 years ago. Again, the core of who you are may not have changed but you have changed in so many areas that your childhood friends you have not seen in 5,10,12 years might be surprised to see who you have become. Plus, as you grow up, your speech, behavior, thoughts, perhaps gestures change. So, if you haven’t seen someone in a while, it is normal they wouldn’t recognize the childhood they once had. Again, it is OK.

I know 4 people who have alienated almost all their friends. The main reason that I don’t trust that kind of people is that anyone who could alienate their oldest friends, will most likely alienate any other type of friend. I find it to be a matter of time. The 4 people are split 50-50 between the two genders, so my theory that women are most likely to alienate their friends, just goes out of the window. I don’t like to be the bearer of bad news but the way they are acting/behaving/being, they will soon be “friendless”, which is something I don’t wish on anybody. Perhaps, they will have the occasional “circumstantial” friend who will vanish as soon as the circumstances change. They might not have one real friend in the end. They didn’t start alienating people from the beginning. It came slowly but surely.

Those 4 people share a few common traits: they are uncomfortable with who they are, maybe because they haven’t figured out who they are or they just loathe themselves. They have shallow relationships with almost everyone, they avoid deep conversations that might expose them and their flaws. They are scared to be vulnerable because that reveals who they are, and they might be judged and feel inadequate in the end. They have no sense of loyalty because they think of themselves first. They flirt with lying pathologically or they lie often for no goddamn reason. They tend to be the oldest child of the family. They refuse to accept that things change, and they cannot do the same things they did 5,10,20 years ago. Yet, they are very fun to be around, and they are very helpful. They are kind people and quite reliable at times. They ain’t all bad, that is for sure. I do see the contradiction in their attitude but, it is what it is. However, their flaws stop them from being happy and comfortable with themselves.

I do not trust people who alienate others. I do not trust that you find flaws in everyone, all the time. I do not trust that you seem to disregard old and meaningful friendships. I do not trust people who just have superficial relationships with people. I do not trust you because seeing fault only in others, means you don’t like looking at yourself, because you are afraid of what you might see. You are afraid you might find that you haven’t accomplished all you wanted to do, you are afraid to be judged, you are afraid to admit you haven’t lived up to your potential. Again, it is OK to not have everything. Very few have really lived up to their potential anyway. But unless you look in the mirror with an open mind and you accept to be judged so that criticism can make you better, you will keep alienating people, unfortunately.

Yeah…I don’t trust you.

Just one man’s opinion…

Now, smile and go on with your day.

Freeman. B

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