THE POWER OF NO.

Don’t worry. This isn’t a negative message. I like saying yes as much as the next person. Perhaps, I am like most people, I say yes too often, even if I don’t feel like it. I guess it is the “pleasing gene” in me, a gene we all have. We want to please others, we want to make them happy and I believe it to be normal.

However, at times, we say yes when the obvious answer is no. We do things we don’t really want to do and later it comes back and bites us in the ass. And then we complain, we blame others when it is obviously our own damn fault.

Saying no isn’t a sin, saying yes isn’t an obligation. Why say yes, when especially, you don’t feel like it? Why say yes when you don’t believe in what you are doing? Why please others and forget to be at peace with yourself? You could always say yes if it doesn’t bring you any harm or stress. If it costs you nothing, say yes, be accommodating and nice, because it isn’t costing you money, time and it doesn’t affect your mood.

If someone asks you a favour, and you don’t want to do it, or you don’t feel like doing it, for the love of all the Gods, say no. It is always better to say no upfront and deal with an unsatisfied individual on the spot, than say yes and end up being unhappy or mad, or have a fight. I have come to realize it is always better to say no than say yes and see things get messed up.

No one likes tension or pressure or bad energy around. We are adults. Just say no. Don’t be discourteous or mean about it. Just say no, politely and give your reasons. I can promise you that your honesty will be appreciated right there and then…Sometimes, your honesty might be appreciated later, once the anger has passed because very few people appreciate being told no. Anger is like a storm; it is dark and rainy for a while, but it ends up passing and the sun shines again and disinfects everything.

Please understand, I am all for compromising with people, especially in romantic relationships, that is the way relationships work and you must compromise for it to function. Do not take this for what it isn’t. I am not saying you should butt heads with your partner, you should always find common ground, compromise. A good compromise has neither a winner, nor a loser.

So, I too get the idea of saying yes when your heart and brain want to say no. But, even in relationships, if you say yes, when everything screams no, it won’t work. Voice your objections, your concerns, your uneasiness. If it is too important, then I guess you do it, but if you shut your mouth, it will repeat itself and you won’t be happier the second time around. Speak your mind. You won’t die. That is for sure. Relationships are supposed to be a safe space for dialogue and compromise. That is all I will say on the topic of relationships.

Please find the strength and fortitude to say no. If it doesn’t feel right, if it doesn’t sit well with you, if it goes against your values, if every fiber of your being screams “no”, then say no. It is that simple and that complicated. It is a fragile balance to maintain.

I believe there is power in saying no. It shows character, it shows you can stand on your two feet, it shows you have beliefs and principles. Again, I am not talking about the petty no, the no that is designed to humiliate and hurt. I am talking about the real no, the one that is there to show you disapprove of something, the polite no, the calm no.

How do you say no politely without provoking a conflict? Well, practice and a million hits and misses. You will be fine. I am still alive after a billion of hits and misses. Don’t smile when saying no, it might be misinterpreted…

Just one man’s opinion…

Now, smile and go on with your day.

Freeman. B

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