CHEATING

So, let’s talk about cheating, shall we?

I can see some people cringe. It is OK, we are just going to blast those cheaters. I will blast them a bit because I know they are not that bad. They are not rapists or killers or molesters. They just cheat. As far as sins go, that one isn’t the worst if you ask me. He or she who is perfect could start the judging and condemnation. But you ain’t perfect, so kindly keep your mouth shut.

Cheating has no gender, sexual orientation, race, religion, culture, social status, academic background, geographic demarcation, etc. Cheating is universal. Cheating has been around since people exist and the Gods know it will always be around. It exists in all cultures and countries but, it is interpreted differently depending where you are or who you are. In some cultures, like Mediterranean cultures, some African cultures or even some Asian cultures, cheating is tolerated, not frowned upon, it is considered a private matter and is barely discussed because people do cheat. It can be considered a dull thing, so it is barely mentioned.

Other cultures, such as middle eastern, some African cultures and some Asian cultures, cheating is seen as the ultimate despicable behavior and it is severely punished. Some countries have “adultery” written down as a crime, or a felony. I couldn’t imagine living under such regime, I swear. Let’s just say that if you are socially liberal like me, those countries are the ones you should avoid visiting or live in.

I am sure you all have your own view on cheating. Most people would agree that it is just an unacceptable thing to do. It is one of those behaviors, along with physically and psychologically abusing your partner, that are unforgivable. I happen to find cheating quite informative though. I am always trying to find the positive within the negative, that is just me, Mr. Glass-Half-Full. I believe that the person who decides (because it is a damn decision!) to cheat, is revealing themselves. When you get cheated on, it rarely says a lot about you. Sometimes it does but it mostly speaks volumes about the person doing the cheating. It just says a whole damn lot about the cheater.

Now, let’s stay calm because cheating isn’t a gratuitous activity. There is always a reason behind the cheating. Always. We just don’t know it or don’t care to find about it because we are hurt. As soon as the words “I cheated on you” come out, all hell breaks loose, and all 5 senses just shut down. You cannot and will not hear anything. No explanations, no reasons make sense and it is normal.

The part that bugs me: those who cheat will try to make you believe it is your fault they cheated. Usually, they will try to get out of the act. They will blame anybody but themselves even if in most cases, they are the ones to blame. They will tell you “I cheated because of you”. Hum…Really? How is it my fault, pray tell? So, you are saying that when you had sex willingly with someone else, I made you do it. Ok, but how? Was I there encouraging you? Did I drive you to his/her place? Did I help you find the one to cheat on me with? Did I help you text or call them? I am just asking. Looking for info, that is all because this whole “it is your fault” premise confused the fuck out of me. So, please enlighten me.

There is rarely any enlightenment. What a shame. In the end, as much as you hate hearing it, YOU cheated. You made the decision. You went to see another guy/girl and you slept with them voluntarily. It is OK. You didn’t kill anybody, but you kinda broke the trust between you and yours. You did something bad. It happens. Good people do bad things every second of every day. Cheating is one thing. As bad as it was, you forgot to ask yourself the only question that matters: why did you do it? The why matters. The who matters as well but the why matters more.

There a lot of reasons that push people to cheat: some just can’t survive sleeping with just one person (I am fascinated by people like that!), some are just insecure and sleeping around gives them that self-esteem boost, some do it because their partner pissed them off and they want to blow off some steam, some wanted to feel good because they are mistreated, ignored, forgotten, abused or dismissed by the person who is supposed to love them the most, some see that behavior displayed in their parents, neighbors, friends and believe cheating is OK since everyone is doing it, and so many other reasons that I couldn’t possibly write down.

As a person who has cheated and has been cheated on, I can only confirm that cheating is plainly stupid, unnecessary and it never yields any positive or fulfilling results. That is a fact. Please understand, I am talking from my perspective and experience. Cheating will bring you 20 minutes of fun and months or years of headaches. As an investment, that is the worst kind!

The only point I was trying to make is THINK REALLY HARD before you cheat. Because when or if you get caught, and usually you will get caught, the consequences will be catastrophic and will bring your whole world down. You will regret it for sure. Perhaps breaking up with the person and moving on with your life is a better route. As in, try not to hurt the one you are with, you know…We are talking about people’s feelings here, try to be considerate, that is all. I know a few people who cheated, got caught and their lives haven’t been the same since then. They are not dead or anything but the trouble they got into, took a long time to subside. Apologies and forgiveness took their sweet time to get to destination.

Listen, I am just troubleshooting here. I don’t have any answers, I only have mine, but I am sure they might not fit everybody. I am no saint, nor am I pretending to be. I am just confirming, without a shadow of a doubt that once you get caught cheating, you will regret it and if somebody cheats on you, I can also guarantee you that it says more about them and who they are as a person, than it says about you. But, in the end, the world is yours and you have free will. Do as you see fit, but if you cheat and you get caught, I might throw a “I told you so” in your direction, just for fun.

Just one man’s opinion…

Now, smile, try hard not cheat, don’t let them convince you that they cheated because you made them, and go on with your day.

Freeman. B

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