RELATIONSHIP PART III

I watched bits and pieces of Will and Jada’s red table interview and I frankly thought it was awesome. I am a little biased because I love Will (he is the Fresh Prince) and Jada (she was Jason’s lyric after all!) as actors and performers and their relationship is unique. The interview itself was singularly compelling. It was open and honest in a brutal manner, yet polite and balanced. There were no egos, no finger-pointing and the blame game was nonexistent. It was about 2 grown ups talking, two people who have been together for more than 2 decades and who know each other better than most couples do.

You should have seen, or maybe you have, how twitter and Instagram reacted to that interview. So many people admiring the couple, singing their praise, being jealous and envious of them, people wanting that same relationship, some wanting to copy them and so many different reactions that I couldn’t name them all.

It is nearly impossible not to admire their relationship, I admit it. Yet, I am kind of certain that most people might have missed one thing: ALL OF US JUST SAW THE CURRENT SNAPSHOT OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP, NOT THE JOURNEY. It is always the journey that counts, the day to day stuff in a relationship, not necessarily the destination. If the journey is done right, the destination will surely be the right one. I am saying this because, they spent more time talking about the journey than anything else. Nevertheless, people forget the work Will and Jada put in that relationship. Will did say that Jada is the one and Jada said the same about Will. They know what they have been through, how hard they fought, the tears and screams they let out, the disappointments, the fights, the ego trips, etc. These are actors, multi-millionaires with over-sized egos so you can imagine the mental strength it takes to stay humble in your relationship. One other crucial thing that most people forget is that the interview was edited, and they only shared with us the stuff they wanted us to hear and see.

I see so many people trying to emulate that relationship. But they forget what it takes to have that relationship. They have been together for 20+ years. For example, one amazing fact that seems lost today (no studies on this but I am talking from what I heard, seen and lived myself), they both said that they tried to be extremely kind to one another especially in dark moments. Will wouldn’t even hesitate to walk away instead of being disrespectful to his wife because once a mean word is uttered, you cannot take it back and you might get comfortable saying it and the word becomes dull and its usage will only increase. She would do the same. See? Do you know the mental strength it takes to be kind to someone you love when they are pissing you off or when you are mad? That kind of strength is needed in any partner. Intentionally being mean to someone is the worst attitude and a dangerous flaw long term.

My parents have been together for 42 years now. Their secret? Liking each other and communicating all the time. How do I know? They both told me. Plus, those two genuinely like being together and they really and truly like each other. This is not to say that they don’t fight because they do. Nevertheless, they are friends, they play cards together every night before diner. Others cannot wait to get out of the house to get peace or a break from the wife or the husband. If it is temporary, I get it, but if it is a daily occurrence, well, let’s just say that no sign could be clearer that the relationship won’t work. I am not here to judge anyone, as I, myself have, failed relationships. But, the biggest tragedy would be if I hadn’t learned anything from them.

A relationship only has meaning and finds meaning if its longevity is proven. The most successful relationships are the ones that last and where the partners still like, respect and love each other after decades. Sure, the passion might subside with time and that is when the connection needs to step in and enjoy each other’s company. That is no small feat. It takes knowing the other person, understanding them and all that, takes time. You will never go from 0 to 100 in months, it will take years, decades probably.

People like to talk about making a relationship work but making the relationship actually work? Doing the work is what matters, not talking about it. Well, that is another subject. You wanna be like Will and Jada? Spend time together, like each other, talk, be patient with each other, respect each other, confide in each other, fight with each other, but stay polite and nice, because it is possible. Stop the screaming and hurting the other intentionally. What is that going to accomplish? How is your partner going to get closer to you if you are mean to them? What the fuck ever happened to taking care and respecting people and especially your partner??? Why is being nice to your partner so underrated? If a guy does, he is a bitch. If a girl does it, she is submissive. No one seems to be able to win. Whatever happened to stopping what you are doing because she/he wants to talk to you? Whatever happened to going on a date with your special someone and not on valentine’s day!!!!! Don’t get me started on that arbitrary day of celebrating love as if the other days on the Gregorian calendar didn’t matter, I might throw up. Whatever happened to consistency? Whatever happened to being nice, loving and caring to your partner everyday?

Anyway, I have just as many answers as the next guy. The one thing I KNOW IS THAT MEETING THAT ONE SPECIAL PERSON IS 100% PURE CHANCE YET STAYING WITH THAT PERSON IS 3000% PURE HARD AND DAILY WORK.

One thing I am sure of, is, that respecting, loving, listening to your partner and being nice and caring to them, will most likely lead to a long and healthy relationship. Or try whatever works for you. Do whatever makes you happy.

As long as you are happy…

Just one man’s opinion…

Now, smile, enjoy love and being with your partner, and go on with your day.

Freeman. B

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