I don’t despair.
I don’t lose hope.
Well… In the spirit of transparency, I admit that sometimes I do lose hope. Sometimes, I do feel despair invading my soul. It usually takes me 20 or so minutes to shake off that negative feeling, or on rare occasions, a couple of days, depending on the crisis. I am old enough to have seen some crazy shit in my day. I know I am not the only one. I have tasted desperation, sorrow, pain, hopelessness, frustration, and anger. The sour flavor they have left in my mouth makes me cringe every time I even think about it. That foul taste is a useful reminder of life’s unfairness towards all of us. It acts as a cautionary tale of things to come.
Despite all this negativity I just described, my brain and my soul couldn’t and wouldn’t let me capitulate to desperation…Something inside me won’t let me give up so easily. I do not like despair or hopelessness. I despise having that kind of outlook on life. I resent it and I will not let it control me.
In life, things, people and situations are rarely simple. Things aren’t always peachy. Sources for disappointment and unhappiness are as numerous as snowflakes during a snowstorm. Happy endings aren’t mandatory, they aren’t the norm despite what we have seen in movies or read in books. Sometimes, the good people lose and the bad people win.
Am I disappointed sometimes because my wishes don’t come true? Yes.
Am I hurt to see my optimism go out in flames? Yes.
Am I tempted to give up? You bet I am.
Yet, I persevere.
I have this almost idiotic way of thinking; let’s say naïve way of thinking. I believe that something good and something better will ultimately happen.
Is it easy to believe that? No, it isn’t.
Don’t I look like a fool at times? I sure do.
Has this naiveté of mine been used against me? It sure has.
Yet, I keep the hope that all will be well, even when the odds are against me. Oftentimes, I see as clear as day that things will not work out, yet I still hope things will go smoothly. Nevertheless, it just so happens that rarely, I can only sit and look at the pain roll its window down, smile at me, and then it slaps me in the face. I take the hit, grind my teeth as hard as I can, wipe away my tears or take a deep breath and I proceed to resetting my brain for the next fight.
The one essential thing I have learned is that despair and hopelessness do not make you a better human being. That is a certainty. Despair and hopelessness don’t have any added value, they are not your friends, they prosper when you accept them as roommates in your brain. Once they are around you, then, before you know it, they will slowly and steadily invade your brain and soul and they will end up owning all the mental real estate. You will turn you into a bitter, scared and negative human being. That is another certainty.
Personally, I categorically and unequivocally refuse to give in. I despise despair. I cannot stand pessimism. Hopelessness brings the worst out of me. Negativity creates mental nausea to my brain. I will not accept to be broken by those ugly and unproductive ideas.
It is not easy to smile every day. Sometimes, one doesn’t feel like it. Moreover, It is hard to believe in good fortunes all day long. But, what is the alternative? Sit around and believe that evil and pessimism will triumph? Give up and become bitter because life is unfair sometimes? Allow bigotry and negative energy to run free amongst us, unchecked and unchallenged?
I’ll fight on the side of the optimists.
Their fight, our fight is a never-ending one.
It is arduous and tiring.
Yet, it is worth it.
I shall keep fighting and hoping.
Just one man’s opinion…
Now, smile, be positive, hope for the best, and go on with your day.