5+ YEARS AGO.

Ladies and gentlemen, brothers and sisters… If you have broken up with someone 5+ years ago and you still talk about them today by complaining about them, by being bitter whenever you think of them; if that ex is still prevalent in your life, whether spiritually or emotionally; if it really has been 5+ years ago and you haven’t let that ex go, then… for lack of a better word, you seriously need to move on. Seriously, truly, sincerely move on. Do us a favor and especially, do yourself a favor and move on. I assure you that it must matter more to you than it does to anyone else.

Yeah, I know, heartless. That is a cold. robotic statement. Was I too harsh in this era of politically correct statements and pampered-like behavior? Perhaps. I understand if this unapologetic, cruel way of saying that someone should move on, is perceived as wrong and condescending. I can see people throwing arguments in my face by saying I am too radical and impatient. “You lack compassion, you lack understanding”. Perhaps. Yet, I do not. I am talking from experience. I know what I have had to overcome, I know the darkness I have been through, I know the pain and sorrow, I know the sleepless nights and the constant questions that are never answered. So, please, do not even think about saying I don’t know what I am talking about.

Before going any further, allow me to add an exception: if you have been abused sexually, physically, psychologically, hurt in any way that has left a trauma that can barely heal or never will, well, in that case, you get a pass. Special circumstances require special consideration. There is always room for exceptions. My exception rule might even seem too vague or broad or both. After all, everyone is different, and we all have different pain thresholds, different ways to heal and different timing for healing.

Moreover, when we talk about matters of the heart, then all bets are off. Feelings aren’t rational so we never act rationally. Yet, here I am, treating feelings in a rational manner. We cannot allow to have our lives being run exclusively by our feelings because we wouldn’t be able to function, that is a certainty.

Back to the matter at hand…

If it has been 5+ years and you haven’t moved on, then there is something fundamentally wrong but not necessarily wrong with YOU. I cannot emphasize this enough. You are not to blame; or maybe you are, who knows? It depends on the case. There is something wrong if you haven’t moved on. It is undeniable. It could be you, your environment, it could be the damage that was done to you, the pain that was inflicted upon you, how broken he/she left you, how abused you were for months or years, etc. There are a million things that can keep you down. The breadth of the inner damage is quasi-infinite, I will agree to that. Heartbreaks hurt. They keep you up at night, you don’t function for a while, you have a million questions, you are angry, bitter, insecure, hateful even. Yet, all this is supposed to be temporary. How do we define temporary? I don’t fucking know but 5+ years is too long not to get over someone, I don’t care what anybody says. 5+ years isn’t temporary at all!

I will not tell anybody that it is easy to move on because it isn’t. We all have exes we hated for a moment for what they did to us, some have exes they still hate today after decades. We all have exes who didn’t turn out to be very nice people, it happens. Hell! We, ourselves, might be that damn ex that hurt the other! Let’s not act like we are beyond reproach! Yes, we have grievances against our exes. They messed up, they hurt us, they humiliated us, they pushed us to the edge of insanity, but we stayed sane. We didn’t die. OK, yes, they broke us.

Now, what? I am being serious. Now, what? Getting over them is the first step. Moving on is the second step. I am oversimplifying this damn matter but what else is there after 5+ years? Frankly, what else is left? Now, what? Holding on to that ex is going to do nothing for you. There is no added value to that. You will not be any happier or better for clinging to the ex. You will never be better off because you haven’t moved on. Those residual feelings will eat you from the inside and they will infect your heart, mind and body. Probably they will even destroy the very core of who you are. Pain is supposed to dissipate a bit after a while, right? Is there a pain that is eternal when it comes to relationships? I don’t believe there is. It is our duty to manage that and move on. Yes, it sounds easy, I know, but we move on from so many things, why not heartbreaks?

In the end, I am sorry, and as heartless as it sounds, it is up to YOU to move on from that ex. There is no other way. There is no magical fix, no mathematical formula. The moving on will be the mother of all pains, trust me, I have had my fair share of pain. We all share that unfortunate genetic code that is human DNA, which makes us susceptible to messing up, hurting others and having our hearts broken. That is the inevitability of life.

How does one move on? I just know the first step: THEY DECIDE TO MOVE ON. The most painful realization of all is to come to terms with your own predicament. Move on. The relationship has ended a while ago. It ended at least 1825 days ago. That is 43,800 hours ago. That is a lot of time to not get over someone. I am just sayin…

If you do not know how to move on, then please seek help. This does not make you crazy. I do not want to hear any of that dismissive nonsense that is designed to shame people because they have feelings. Not knowing how to manage your feelings isn’t a weakness. It is human. However, not seeking to learn how to manage them, that could be a weakness in my opinion. If you have a hard time moving on, seek help. There are books, therapists and a lot of other ways to assist you with the moving on. DO NOT EVER FEEL ASHAMED for having a hard time coping with a relationship that ended badly. Do not feel ashamed. Ignore those who shame you, seek help so you can move on for your own sake, not to be in another relationship.

5+ years is a long time. I am not shaming anyone here. But, please, move on. Try to find closure. Try to deal with whatever residual feelings you have, whether negative or positive. If you cling to that relationship, it has a hold over you and you will not be able to move on with your life. Being stuck will not only affect your personal and emotional life, it will affect other areas of your life as well. Moving on isn’t for anyone else but you. We just got to train our brains, hearts and spirits. It is a long walk to moving on. Do it for you. You matter.

Remember, consistency is key, and it is only too late once you are dead.

The moving on…One day at a time, one heartbeat at a time and one smile at a time…

Just one man’s opinion

Now smile and go on with your day.

Freeman. B

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