“I wanna do…”
“What I really wanna do is…”
“I wish I could…”
“One day, I will…”
Those are the sentences that kept me from sharing my writing and my stories. There is a fear that hides behind those sentences; the fear of the unknown. I can tell you, it is quite a potent fear, a terror even, one of those feelings that you wrestle with but cannot seem to beat. You think you aren’t worthy, you believe you are not able to do the task. You fight with your inferiority complex and after numerous tries, you overcome that fear. So, now, you are ready to share your craft or do whatever it is you aspire to and then…Some other sentences pop out like mushrooms in the forest. They replace the first wave of questions that have marinated in self doubt for far too long.
“What if I am not good enough?”
“What if people don’t like what I do?”
“What if they make fun of me? Then, what?”
You don’t have any answers for those questions either. Therefore, one terror replaces another. The good news is that you have moved a step forward. Granted, it is impossible to see the situation from that perspective because you feel as stuck as before, if not a bit more. Well, one must say that all the self doubt, the inferiority complex, the fear of failure, they paralyze you. But you believe deep inside of you that you have something to share with the world. You are still afraid to share anything with the world. How do you get over your fear? How do you share your craft with the world? How can you do that? How do you do that? Well, as incredible as it might sound, I have figured it out!
You just say “FUCK IT” and you do what you want to do. I swear. At least, that is how I did it. I said “FUCK IT” out loud and started sharing my texts and my stories. It didn’t go smoothly at first. I got feedback that made me doubt myself and fear kicked in but I said “FUCK IT!” again and carried on with my writing. As time went on, and as I kept writing and getting better, my confidence went up a notch and dare I say, I found my footing and finally felt comfortable in my skin as a writer.
However, I struggled for a long time with the term “writer” because to my novice writing brain, a “writer” was a PUBLISHED WRITER. It meant I had to write articles, essays, books and see them published in prestigious magazines. I’d have to have books under my name, I’d have to sell a few and live off my writing. Today, I know I thought that way out of fear, humility as well because I knew I wasn’t good enough. I wrestled with myself, my own identity, what I wanted to do, how I should approach this new unknown yet exciting endeavour of mine.
Then, a young gentleman, on January 1st, 2018, around 5am, as the party was slowly dying, asked me how my writing was going. He had read a few texts of mine and had liked them. I told him I couldn’t use the term writer because of the aforementioned reason, and he told me to get over myself. Imagine hearing that from a man who isn’t a writer himself. He gave me a pep talk and was brutally honest with me, which is the only kind of honesty I love. He asked me “how do you think the famous writers got their start? Probably by doing what you are doing now! If you don’t consider yourself a writer, you will never be!”. I loved it. He also gave me some marketing tips and told me to start a blog and here I am today. He helped me, unbeknownst to him.
I am here to simply share my story. Just say “FUCK IT!” and do the thing you want to do. It will not be easy; you probably don’t know where to start. Yet, in this super connected era and with a useful tool like Google, you can find tips on anything. I learned how to open a blog online, I learned more about grammar and vocabulary through Merriam-Webster dictionary online, I kept reading and writing on small pieces of paper, on my phone, on my laptop and so much more.
I knew nothing in the beginning. I just knew that I wanted to tell stories. I wanted to tell my story, other people’s stories, fictional stories, stories based on true events. I finally realized that I was writing to better understand myself and how I felt. I wrote because it helped me heal when I was going through a rough time. I wrote because I wanted to express my gratitude and recognize my blessings. I wrote because I was happy, sad, heartbroken, broke, ecstatic, etc. I just wrote and I knew whatever I was going through, some people were going through as well, because we are not that different, human nature hasn’t changed much since we are on this earth.
The only thing that I did, was saying “FUCK IT!” and just shared my craft. It wasn’t perfect, still isn’t and never will be. I know I still have thousands of miles to go, more stories to write and improvements to make. I read one of the stories I wrote about a year ago. I had to take it down because a friend of mine told me that it sucked. I read it again. It sucks! She was kind about it though and I am still reshuffling the story to this day. Moreover, she was specific in her constructive criticism: too many characters, not clear who they are, their motivations, the story jumps from one premise to another and she got lost. May the Gods bless her because that was the most helpful feedback and a gentle reminder my work isn’t done.
So, I get good feedback that encourages me and feedback that reminds me that I must stay humble because I have lots to learn. Some people don’t agree with my premises and ideas. I am ok with that, I cannot please everyone, nor am I looking to please everyone or anyone to be quite honest. As arrogant as it is, I just write. I do make corrections here and there, I also might take a step back when necessary but if a subject is dear to my heart, I will share it, no matter what the consequences are and the consequences are never dire or life-changing for anyone.
Brothers and sisters…No matter what your dream is, just say “FUCK IT!” and take the first step. It doesn’t matter what it is. Just say “FUCK IT!” and throw caution to the wind. What is the worst that could happen? Nothing, probably. People might not like it and you will get feedback to do better, to improve, to be better. Try your best not to let that fear of the unknown paralyze you. Fight that fear by taking the first step, as small as it might be. That step will take you places, I promise you. Just give it a try. If anything, reach out to me and I will see if I can help you in any way I can. Bear in mind, I don’t have all the answers, I just know how I started which isn’t automatically a blueprint for other people, but you never know…If we troubleshoot long enough, we might get somewhere.
Throw caution to the wind. Just take a leap of faith and expect to be crushed the first few months or even years of your new life. It will not be easy so I hope you have the resolve and fortitude to keep going. It is worth it. And for the love of all the Gods, do not fall for that “My God, you have a gift!”. Maybe you do, maybe you don’t. Remember that consistency is key, and it beats fucking talent in the long run! Do not sit around because you allegedly or truly have a gift. Work on it. That is, it!
Talent means absolutely nothing without hard and consistent work anyway!
Just one man’s opinion.
Now smile, throw caution to the wind and go on with your day.