WE JUDGE…I KNOW!

So, the model Ashley Graham and her husband Justin Ervin, claimed they pray before having sex. Their statement made the news and it was trending on twitter, so I took the liberty of offering an opinion, as a citizen. Those who follow me on Instagram might have seen the post.

The skeptic in me called bullshit on their claim. I do not believe it for one second and as crazy as it sounds, there is no amount of proof that you would bring forth to make me change my mind. It just sounds odd, unusual, fake, deeply fake. Certain people agreed with me, most didn’t care, and a few people were somewhat flabbergasted at my opinion, which did surprise me. I thought I would clarify a few things about my post.

First, I think the couple was doing it for clout, to trend on social media, which they did. I am saying this because I do not believe prayer before sex is, in any way, practical. How does that work? They get down on their knees-no pun intended- and pray? They recite a prayer and when they are done, they look at each other and say “Ok, baby. Now that we have prayed, let’s get freaky!”?? It doesn’t make any sense. I thought sex wasn’t something you schedule. I always thought sex to be spontaneous, most of the time. If sex is preceded by anything else, it somehow loses its magic and appeal. You don’t believe me? Next time you want to have sex, please pray right before and see how it goes. I know I don’t believe in God and prayer and my judgement is potentially clouded but still…If you have a chart and a schedule on when to have sex or what to do before sex, then it becomes more of a chore. It becomes dull. Sex is ruined that way. I am not buying it.

Second, a few people slightly scolded me for being judgmental and said they had hoped I would be more open minded. I get that and their point has a valid merit. To be clear, I am not blaming them nor am I saying they were wrong. On the contrary, I applaud them for speaking their mind. I love this level of communication. That is the perk of writing and sharing my views. I get feedback often and it allows me to reconsider my own views. Perhaps they are right. Moreover, their feedback made me think. I read again what I wrote but I didn’t change my mind. You can say it is arrogance and it might very well be but, in the end, it is just how I see their statement.

I was judging an action, not the people. I know there is an unwritten rule stipulating we cannot separate the person from their actions. Sometimes, it is possible. And, I ask you…What is wrong with judgment? I believe the wrongness would lie in condemning people and insist they get punished. Yet, I don’t care what Ashley and her husband do. They are free to do whatever they want before, during and after sex. This aint North Korea or Saudi Arabia. No one is watching them. Whatever happens in people’s bedrooms, so long as it is consensual, isn’t any of my business or anyone else’s.

Let’s go back to my question. What is wrong with judgment? That is what people do. That is what me, you and everybody else does. Right now, you are judging my opinion, as you are reading this. We judge others. We look at others, what they are doing, and we subconsciously compare or openly form an opinion. Some of us share that opinion, others keep it to themselves. Please keep this in mind: I never said I am better than them or that they were worse or better than me. I am just expressing a point of view on the matter. I frankly don’t care if they pray, fight, scream, play scrabble, go for a run, eat, jump around or watch porn before they have sex. Once again, it isn’t any of my business nor is it anybody else’s.

Third, I believe we have been duped. There is a delusion out there that requires us not to judge others. It is kind of a social contract or maybe a wish people have. So, what does that really mean? I ask you, sincerely. What does it mean? Any action that falls under the umbrella of the things we do, is fine. We don’t judge. But as soon as we hear of something out of the ordinary, we judge. Furthermore, something out of the ordinary is highly subjective. How many times have you judged a man or woman that cheated on their partner? How many times have you judged someone’s outfit? How many times have you judged the ring on a woman’s finger and draw conclusion as to how much it cost and from there proceed to assess if the guy is rich or not? How many times have you judged someone’s sex life, religion, dietary habits, appearance, leadership skills, etc.?

Perhaps, not judging others, gives us a feeling of superiority. Not judging probably makes us feel better about ourselves. Perhaps, we want to live by Matthew 7:1-2 “Don’t judge, so that you won’t be judged; For with whatever judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with whatever measure you measure, it will be measured to you.” Perhaps all this stems from the fear of being judged. Who likes being judged anyway? We all resent it and then we say to ourselves, “Don’t do unto others what you don’t want done unto you”, as Confucius once said. I get it. There is a guilt that comes with judging others I suppose.

I am sorry to say this because people don’t want to hear it, but WE JUDGE. That is what we do everyday, all day. The right thing to do is to try and understand what happened, why someone did what they did, how it came about, what they were thinking, what led them to do something, etc.  A little investigation while using an open mind can go a long way. I should do what I preach, right? I know I should, and I usually do. But not in this case. I believe them to be lying to get mentions, to trend because they are public figures and they need to keep being relevant. It is what the Kardashians do, what the real housewives of whatever city do, and most reality stars do. Then again, isn’t that their right? To say whatever they want and do whatever they want? It is. Just as it is my right I guess to criticize or mock their holier than thou attitude. Oh well, it is always in good fun anyway. I should maybe ask them what prayers they recite. Who knows? It might help me as well…

No, it won’t. Miss Ashley, please go forth and do you and do not forget to do your husband after a prayer. That is your right and I defend your right to do whatever pleases you so long as you are happy and aren’t hurting anyone. And may The Gods bless you abundantly.

Just one man’s opinion.

Now smile and go on with your day.

Freeman. B

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