Why do people act like confidence is innate? No one is born confident. That is a fact. When you are an infant, you are not confident because you don’t know what confidence is and because you know nothing! You can’t talk, you can’t walk, you can’t do anything, hell you can’t even go to the bathroom by yourself, yet you are confident? Come on!
Let’s be honest, let’s be real people. You are not born confident. Don’t ever listen to anyone who spews that nonsensical bullshit. It is an insult to our common sense and intelligence. Then again, common sense isn’t that common. Moving on…
Confidence is built through years of practice, through years of fails, through small victories as well. We can’t deny that some people might be more daring than others, which can help them build their confidence faster than those who are shy. Yet confidence is like any other muscle in your body or any other abstract quality. The more you exercise it, the stronger it gets.
Confidence grows with time and it also grows the more you get to know yourself. Father time will teach you the best lessons. Father time will allow you to know your strengths and weaknesses, which are of a crucial importance in your life. Once you know what you are good at, you become confident in that area and your overall confidence grows. That’s a damn fact!
For example, I know nothing about making cocktails because I don’t drink. Rum and coke is fucking rum and coke. How much rum and how much coke? I don’t know, and frankly, I don’t care. I never looked into it and I am not going to because I don’t drink! I have zero confidence in mixing drinks, so I will leave that to someone else instead of messing it up. But, if you ask me anything you want about Dragon Ball Z, I am a walking encyclopedia in that area! I dare anyone to quiz me! I am confident about the subject because I spent hundreds of hours watching the cartoons and reading the comics.
Seeing that I could be good at something by researching it, reading about it, I became confident with time that I could learn pretty much anything. I ended up discovering that if I put the time and effort in something, I will get good at it. Anyone here this writing thing fell from the sky? Hell no! I wrote for hundreds of hours and here I am today, still learning about it. I do know a lot about writing but there is so much more to learn! I am baffled every time I discover how much more I can improve and how much more I can learn! It isn’t discouraging; it is a worthy challenge, to be honest. Moreover, I am not good at everything because knowing everything isn’t the point anyway. No one is good at everything! We all suck at many things, and that right there, is a lesson of humility!
If you want to build your confidence, you must do it the way masons build a house, from the ground up. You need to accept you don’t know something and you need to learn about it. The more you learn, the more confident you become in your attitude and your abilities. Father time and experience will increase your confidence and it will emanate from your demeanor, in the end. The way you talk changes, the way you carry yourself. I am not advocating to be a know-it-all or to annoy people by saying all the time “actually, I know…”. Don’t be that guy or girl.
They say practice makes perfect and I would like to add, practice builds confidence. It takes years, the path to confidence has its ups and downs, it is hard, you will find yourself in competition with others. As your confidence grows you will be challenged and you will have to stand your ground. Confidence isn’t about proving to everybody what you are capable of; it is mainly about proving to yourself what you are capable of. Sure, some confident people will scream loudly about their abilities, but you needn’t worry about them. They have the right to scream whatever they want as you have the right to be silent and build your confidence, without people noticing.
By the way, a little FYI, confidence doesn’t need to be displayed. Confidence isn’t loud, confidence doesn’t scream at all. Confidence is calm, confidence is discreet. Confidence isn’t there to prove other people’s inadequacy, confidence isn’t a weapon to use for humiliating others. Your confidence doesn’t grow because you are rude to others. Don’t be an asshole!
Confidence is subtle and somehow noble. Confidence is about self-discovery; confidence is knowing of self because you want to improve. Confidence is about self love, confidence is about self respect, confidence is about constant progress. Confidence isn’t about perfection; it is about consistency. It is about progress, not necessarily success, as success is highy subjective.
Do what you got to do, and confidence will come. As confidence manifests itself, you will realize that proving something to others, is obsolete, the way a typewriter has become obsolete in the 21st century. Get better so you can be better. Improve, don’t prove anything to others but yourself.
Just one man’s opinion.
Now smile and go on with your day!