There is only one person you should beg; please go ahead and beg anyone who is holding a gun against your head.
I am serious. It is a bit cinematic and dramatic; I know. I sometimes use extreme examples to make my case. This time is no exception; I am doing this to make a not-so subtle point. Yet, I feel I still need to be careful. This whole text could very well be misinterpreted but I must risk it.
So, who should you beg?
Well, I’d say beg whoever is threatening your life. That is not even a question. Moreover, to a certain extent, beg whoever is threatening your livelihood.
Think about it: if someone is holding a gun against your head, if someone is moments away from squeezing the trigger and blowing your brains out, what would you do? I’ll answer that for you: you will beg, like you have never begged in your life. It is a primal, instinctive and evolutionary reaction. Staying alive is of paramount importance. You won’t even do it consciously; the survival instinct, perhaps the most powerful instinct after the maternal instinct, will take over in a nanosecond. You will beg the person to let you live. You might find yourself doing anything you can to stay alive, to survive. What is more precious than your life? Nothing. I have never been dead, but I believe death must be awful. Then again, no one ever came back to tell us what it feels like or where we go once, we die. Let’s leave death alone. So, survive, do whatever you deem necessary to stay alive. You must implore that person. You must get down on your knees and beg. You must cry, scream, bargain with them, you must do whatever it is necessary to stay alive.
As for the livelihood, who am I to tell a parent who needs money to feed their family not to beg their employer, so they don’t get fired? This is the real world, not some fantasy made up world, ok? You need to feed your family, they need clothes, they need to go to school, they need a roof over their heads. As a parent, your responsibility is to make sure they get all that. You need money to fulfill their basic needs. If your employer threatens to fire you, the first thing that comes to your mind is your family. You must protect them at all costs, so, go ahead and beg like you have never begged before in your life!
Nevertheless, I believe the begging should stop there. I frankly do not see any other instances where you should beg. Besides, I am not talking out of arrogance or pride. Sometimes, people will tell that you are being arrogant and prideful, and sometimes we all are. I am saying you shouldn’t beg people because I don’t believe in begging.
What can I say, perhaps I am naïve! Moreover, I don’t believe in forcing things. My naivete rests on trusting, to a certain extent, human nature. One can never beg for love, respect, acceptance, care, understanding, consideration, appreciation, hugs and kisses, and so much more. You could always beg for all those things, but I don’t believe you will get them in a genuine manner, and this is where my naivete stops. I know for a fact begging might get you something or somewhere, but it doesn’t mean the person gave it to you willingly and without their own agenda behind. It isn’t paranoia. It is about power dynamics.
Well, the person you begged has now the upper hand. They hold the power. They are the ones, like Thor, the God of thunder, who hold Mjölnir, the hammer that can summon thunder and unleash it on you. I don’t like it when people have that kind of power over someone. I don’t trust it. It makes me uneasy and I stay away from people who enjoy holding that type of power over others. No one should ever wield their power over others like that.
Think about it for a second; the person you begged knows you need them, and most likely, you might need them more than they need you. Any relationship is hard to maintain, especially over time and even research indicates the most stable relationships are based on honesty and truth. They are not based on unstable and unfair power dynamics, the kind where one person is literally judge, jury and executioner. Imagine someone sitting comfortably and deliberating with themselves if you are worthy or not. Imagine that kind of power; imagine being the one who must wait for another person to accept them and in the end, when that happens, for them to make you feel like they did you a favor.
By begging, you are allowing the other party, to define your value and the whole basis of the relationship. Please remember, if your value is determined by others, you will overwhelmingly be undervalued. If they reject you, it might not have anything to do with your own value, but theirs. After all, they are the ones who don’t want you. The reasons behind the rejection can be so varied we might get lost while looking for the reason. Furthermore, who said we all need to get along? Sometimes, some relationships aren’t meant to be or they are not meant to last. It is hard to get to that uncomfortable point though.
You begged, they accepted and now you “exist” in their world. You don’t live in a world you both constructed through collaboration, understanding and compromise. No, you exist in their universe because they hold the power unfortunately. Who wants to live in a world where they have relinquished their power? Who wants to be powerless? Who wants to live in a world, where someone else is the master of one’s world and universe? I would say it isn’t a good way to live. Sometimes, we can end up in a situation like that because of inexperience, trauma and weakness. Yet, you have the responsibility to get out of it once you realize the predicament you have put yourself in, because, whether you like it or not, you went into that relationship. You begged. Maybe you thought you weren’t enough. It happens anyway.
The person that begged might find themselves begging forever. They might be told they aren’t good enough this time or next time. They might be chasing their own tail, like dogs. Keep in mind that power is somehow aphrodisiac and those with power never give it away willingly. They will fight tooth and nail to keep the upper hand, for as long as they can.
Begging in any type of relationship, whether romantic, friendship, family, professional, is simply counterproductive. It doesn’t lay the basis for an honest, true and genuine relationship. It is based on a dynamic that won’t last. What kind of relationship is that? A toxic one, with a profoundly short life expectancy.
I would advise to never beg unless there is an imminent threat to your life or to your livelihood. Begging for any other reason is simply a waste of time. Ask for things, even request things but do not beg. Remember, no one is under any obligation to grant you the request. You ask and sometimes people say yes or they say no. Do not take things personally. Relax. Simply be genuine about what you want. When the results don’t go your way, adapt and move on. It isn’t the end of the world.
Begging will get you nowhere. It might offer you some short-lived happiness, but it will crumble sooner rather than later. And stay away from anyone that requires you to beg them before they can do you a favour. That is a person we should all stay away from. Don’t beg. It won’t work.
Just one man’s opinion.
Now smile and go on with your day!