This subject is personal, I must admit.
Full disclosure: I do consider myself a nice dude. Please understand; I am not the nicest dude out there! Oh, hell no! I know my flaws and I am quite self aware. I also know so many people who are a million times nicer than I am, by thousands of miles. I am surrounded by these nice people and I thank all the Gods every day, as I hope their niceness might rub off on me. I am an asshole occasionally. I do tell people to fuck every now and then. I guarantee you telling people off takes the niceness out of the conversation immediately when it happens.
Let’s just say I consider myself a nice dude because I never hurt people intentionally. I don’t use malice and I don’t plan to hurt anybody. I don’t like negative energy because it drains my mind and body. I live and I let go, usually. However, and I admit it, occasionally I will take revenge on those who have hurt me. I am slightly a fan of the old testament doctrine even if the new testament and Jesus have the best philosophy on dealing with people who trespass against me. Now, if we are talking about hurting someone inadvertently? Yes! It happens occasionally! I am human after all. I say and do things that hurt others because we are all different, we have different sensibilities, beliefs, values, worldviews, etc. After all, perfection is as real as unicorns.
We hear all the time that “nice guys finish last”. What the fuck does that even mean? Is there a race I am not aware of? How come people don’t tell me important stuff? Why am I in the dark? When did the race start? Where is the finish line? People don’t tell me stuff it would seem. And if there is a race, what kind of race is it? Should I run, walk, crawl, fly, swim? Does that mean that bad guys finish first, second, third or before last? How many people in the race? Is it all men or do we allow women to compete? I say we should. No more discrimination people!!! And what is the pecking order and/or ranking order here? Can someone explain it to me? Please text me, email me or call me if you have information on this race! Even if I am late to the party, I might try to compete! I don’t like most competitions but as a self-proclaimed nice guy, I don’t want to finish last!
I had to google what it really means. It refers to romantic heterosexual relationships and how niceness is usually and automatically confused with weakness. It means if you are a nice guy, and you are nice to women, they will see you as weak and they will take advantage of you. Apparently, they will be with you because you are safe, but they will fuck with the bad boys. It is heavily implied that bad boys are exciting, dangerous, more confident, they got more charisma, they say no easily, they are more prone to be assholes to women and as a corollary, women won’t mess with them, they will fear or respect them, or something like that. Apparently, nice guys are “pussies” (their word, not mine and something as wonderful as the vagina should really stop being an insult! What is wrong with people?). Apparently, women will walk all over the nice guys, but they wouldn’t dare mess with the bad boys!
What?????? What the fuck does that mean? It makes no goddamn sense at all. Maybe it makes sense when men and women are teenagers, young adults or in their early twenties. Otherwise, that theory doesn’t make any goddamn sense. Are there women who like bad boys? Of course! That’s their choice and far be it from me to say that choice is a bad one. They like who they like! So what? They are responsible for their lives anyway. There are women who like nice guys. Are they wrong? No! It is their choice! I fail to understand how other people’s choices that don’t affect me, should actually concern me.
Listen, I have had a few relationships in my life, and they didn’t work. I sincerely doubt they didn’t work because “I am nice”! Reducing relationships to niceness or badboyness is preposterous, insulting, idiotic, and plain ignorant. Relationships don’t work for so many reasons; values, personality types, family history, temperament, flaws, traditional and cultural reasons, personality quirks, temper, maturity levels, sexual compatibility, different ways of seeing life and so much more.
Are we accommodating when we should put our foot down? Of course, we are. Do we put our foot down when we should be accommodating? Hell yes! It is called being human! Being an asshole to your woman or your man, is simply you being a fucking asshole. It has nothing to do with an imaginary race that has been shoved down our throats for us to believe without asking any questions. Come on man!
It has been proven that for relationships to last long and be harmonious, people must communicate better and do so honestly. They must compromise. They must support each other and understand each other. They don’t always have to see things eye to eye, but they need to find common ground. Is it easy? Hello no, otherwise we would all be in loving, caring, and great relationships. A failed relationship has nothing to do with nice guys finishing last or bad boys being feared or respected. Chillax!
My relationships didn’t fail because I am generally nice. They failed because I made mistakes. They failed for so many reasons that have nothing to do with my mild niceness. Once, a girlfriend of mine cheated on me and one of my guy friends told me that because I am too nice, she went to see another guy. WHAT????? She decided to cheat on me, because it is a conscious decision, and I am entirely to blame? I’ll take a small part of the blame out of fairness, but I doubt my niceness made her text and call the guy, meet with him and then sleep with him. Stop reducing things that happen in relationships to one isolated incident. Relationships fail because of an accumulation of reasons and it takes time to get to the breaking point.
One last time: relationships don’t fail out of niceness. People need to stop with this idiotic bullshit. To the nice people out there, keep being nice because that is who you are. One day, a person who is compatible with you and who appreciates your niceness and understands it, will come along and hopefully you’ll make things work. Don’t stop being nice because of an invisible and mostly hypothetical race that no one has ever seen and/or participated in ever in the history of humanity.
To the asshole and bad boys/girls, be an asshole if you want. It will come with its own consequences! Be who you want to be. The nice people around me do sleep at night with a clear conscience. Perhaps the bad boys and girls sleep just as well. No one is finishing last here, there is no race. There is no competition. There is no contest. There is no ranking order. There is just your life, your happiness, your relationship.
Come on. Be kind and nice. People will always take advantage of you. It happens. It is called life. However, if a specific person is taking advantage of you regularly, you might want to rethink the relationship and simply break up with them. Healthy relationships aren’t about taking advantage of one another; they are about peace, harmony, care, love, kindness, being polite, fun, common goals, compromise, and so much more.
For the last time: there is no race!
Just one man’s opinion.
Now smile and go on with your day!