“BABY, YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO DO IT!”

Once upon a time, I was going out with this woman, for a while. Today’s story is about the end of that relationship. We were in the twilight of our relationship. Frankly, the relationship had already ended, but we both lacked the courage to talk about it so we could part ways amicably, like civilized grown up people. Here we were, playing this game of cat and mouse, or more accurately, we were avoiding each other. Let me be even clearer; she was avoiding me. We had reached the point of no return. Breaking up was the only sane and recommended solution but breaking up is never easy.

My text messages went unanswered. She never picked up the phone when I called. I later learned the reason she was doing all that. Basically, she had started seeing another dude while we were still together. How about that?! It was the first time such a situation had happened to me, and I didn’t know how to handle it or even what to think of it. I know my ego got bruised and feelings of inadequacy, fear, shame, anger, and despair took over for a while.

At the time, I did the only thing I knew; I called and called, and she never answered. I texted and she didn’t answer either. She left me on read on WhatsApp. How about that?! Thankfully, we didn’t live together so avoiding me was extremely easy. I even thought of going to her place one time, unannounced but that would have been harassment and she would have had the right to call the police on me. So, I let it be. Since the relationship was almost over, I thought I could wait a few weeks and it would die on its own. Yet, the weeks turned into months and the discomfort grew but I was able to manage this whole pathetic show we were both playing.

“Baby, you’re going to have to do it!” is what I kept telling myself. I knew she wanted us to break up and she was using an old tactic I personally despise. You know the tactic. It is as old as time itself. You ignore the person for a while. You practically ghost them until they have had enough, and they initiate the breakup. People who do that, do not want to feel the guilt of ending a relationship. They want to push you to the ends of your sanity and once you cannot take it anymore, you break up with them. And once you do that, they don’t feel the weight, the guilt, the sorrow that come with ending a relationship. I also learned that her new boyfriend, who wasn’t a fan of mine, understandably so since I was standing between him and his better half, was pushing for her to break up with me but I guess she didn’t have the courage, heart, strength or whatever else she was feeling, to actually go through with it. At the time, I didn’t get it but today, I slightly get it even if I would never do it myself.

So, I waited and waited. I lived my life as a single guy. I went out, dated, enjoyed the company of other ladies with no remorseful thoughts or feelings whatsoever. I was single as far as I was concerned. I remember my brother asking me what was going on, since he wasn’t used to seeing me being that free so to speak. I told him what was going on and his face turned red. “Break up with her then! Why are you doing this?”, he said. I smiled and told him I wouldn’t break up with her. I told him she would have to come to me and break up with me, face to face. He ended up smiling and told me he didn’t know if I was crazy or stubborn, to which I said, “I am both, equally!”.

Finally, after 3 and a half months of this ridiculous game, she reached out to me and told me we needed to talk. I wonder why, was my answer, with a substantial dose of sarcasm. We met in a public space and broke up, the way grown ups do. I asked her, “isn’t this better? Why did you take all this time? All you had to do was simply this!”. I said that with a smile on my face and she didn’t find that amusing, much to my disappointment. We parted ways, like civilized people, I even walked her to the bus station. We kissed one last time and life went on, as if nothing happened. Today, we are in good terms, and we never talked about that weird period of our lives because…why would we do that? It’s no use!

What’s the moral of the story? It’s quite simple; if you want to break up with someone, go ahead and do it. You cannot avoid the guilt, sorrow, and weight that come with initiating the breakup. It is inevitable, unavoidable because you are human, and you have feelings. Breaking up is never easy anyway. The other thing I learned is that I am extremely stubborn, much to my fun I would say. Finally, if I see that you want to break up with me, I will not do you any favors. I will not help you in any way. You want to break up with me? Well, don’t go thinking you will drive me insane by avoiding me. I am way too old to be driven insane by someone. Come and break up with me please. The sooner, the better because we both have our lives to live. By the way, avoiding people is one of the easiest things ever created. You simply avoid them! Nothing easier, I promise you! You can avoid their calls and messages. Hell, you can even block someone on your phone. How about that?! You cannot drive me to the point of breaking up with you if you want to break up with me. Go ahead and do it! Nothing is easier. Break up with me please, don’t play games. We are not teenagers anymore, ok?

Moreover, the past is the past and time and experience are the best teachers. The young lady and I have met numerous times since “we” broke up and I couldn’t be happier whenever I see her. Life went on as if nothing happened. There are no hard feelings, no residual feelings, no anger, no revengeful thoughts, no problems. I could even go as far as say that we get along today, perhaps better than before because we are past all that nonsense and there are no shenanigans between us. Life is too short to hold grudges, to drown in self pity and hate. We move in this life and we both have moved on. How about that?! Besides, I have healed from that and whatever damage was inflicted on me, has been dealt with and I healed from it. Now life goes on, as it should!

Bless your heart darling. You taught me some valuable lessons and I could never thank you enough. Most importantly, I realized I can be fucking stubborn, goddamn it! And I love it! my stubbornness will not cause my demise; I am sure of that! You were and still are an amazing baby girl. Bless you!

Just one man’s opinion.

Now smile and go on with your day!

Freeman. B

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